


Broken

by MelyndaR



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 21:53:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3149594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelyndaR/pseuds/MelyndaR
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the Lifehouse song with the same title. Reid reminisces alone in his apartment after JJ's wedding. Different things about the two of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Spencer Reid shut the door to his apartment, locked the door, and turned around, pressing his back against the door. He slid down until he was crouching on the floor.

He had survived JJ's wedding – the wedding of the woman he loved to another man - without letting his feelings show. But now he couldn't help it. The tears began to fall as he loosened his tie.

Why? Why hadn't he told her? He loved her. Why hadn't he told her so? Why? Why? Why?

Because she loved Will. Because there was Henry to consider. What sort of father could Reid possibly make for the young boy? No, no matter how much it hurt him, this was what was best for her. For all of them.

But that couldn't stop him from remembering…


	2. Chapter 2

Two a.m. He was shaking. His willpower was weakening. He was in pain. It physically hurt him. He needed it. It was in his messenger bag. He could go and get it. It wouldn't take long to fill the syringe - to push it into a vein. And, at least for a little while, it would all be gone. No more pain. No more memories. It was that simple.

He eased up out of his bed, stumbling to the chair where he had dropped his bag. As he groped around inside of the bag his hand curled around something else, cold and solid. His cell phone.

It was another option. It was a better option. She had told him if he ever needed her to call. It would take less time to push that one button than it would to inject himself. So he pushed the speed dial button. There was no doubt in his mind that she would pick up.

"Jareau." She answered.

"JJ?" His voice sounded pathetically small in his darkened house.

"Spence. Are you okay?"

"I – I just… Can you just talk to me?"

"It's okay. You're going to be okay. This isn't going to beat you. I won't let it."

"It hurts so much."

"But you're getting better, Spence. You're healing. Don't give up now."And she kept right on talking to him – for two hours she talked and he listened. She talked about the team, about Henry, about everything under the sun – or the moon as it were.

The next afternoon, at work, he was in the bullpen, having just returned from a long talk with a lonely Garcia in her lair. When he flipped open his messenger bag to retrieve a case file, he noticed the bottles of Dilaudid. They were empty. Taped to one of them was a note.

_You're going to be okay. – JJ_

He removed the note from the bottle, folded it, and put it in his pocket. It was something to hold on to.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, look at this." JJ pointed to a page in her baby name book and Spencer leaned across the table to have a look at the entry. "Henry. It means 'ruler of the home'. What do you think?" She laid a hand on her baby bump. "Are you a Baby Henry?"

"Jennifer means 'fair phantom or white wave.'" Spencer remarked. "And your middle name 'Sandra' means 'defender of the people."

"Neat." JJ answered.

"And true." Spencer replied. "You're a fair lady who defends the people."


	4. Chapter 4

Two weeks after the wedding, JJ came back to work. She walked into the round table room just as Garcia was about to present the case. The technical analyst squealed and flung her arms around the other blonde. Morgan and Emily hugged her. Hotch and Rossi both shook her hand. Hotch spoke for them all when he said they were glad to have her back.

As JJ settled into her usual seat beside Reid, he leaned over and gave her a hug of his own. She smiled brightly in surprise and he tried his hardest to stamp the memory of that smile onto his brain.

Already he knew he was losing her – losing the special sort of friendship that they had. He was loathe to let it go, so he held on – just barely – until he saw the way she smiled at Will. And once again he reminded himself that they were better off this way.


End file.
